Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Oops, I Did it Again

Apparently in addition to celebrity gossip sites and fast food, I accidently gave up blogging for Lent. My deepest apologies, to any dear readers I have left. It seems like when I have the most notable things to write about, I use my business as an excuse not to write.

Since my last post, I've agonized over an amazing job offer and possibly had the shortest non-relationship ever.

I was offered an event planning job that wanted about twenty hours of work a week from me. While it's everything I've ever wanted, it would also mean I'd be working about 55-60 hours a week for the rest of the semester (between all my jobs), as well as going to class. 

As a result, I'm still looking for a summer job.

On the romance front, I met an amazing guy (actually the one from my last post). Great conversationalist, lots in common, sweet. After a few dates (Thursday night, we sat on the roof of a campus building for about two hours and just talked)  and group hang outs, we essentially spent the entire weekend in bed together. The thing is, physically, the relationship hasn't progressed past the point of a very conservative 10th grader. I'd just forgotten how nice it is to be held and lay in bed with someone all day laughing.

However, Saturday night he told me that he had had feelings for his best friend. After vocalizing them, they hooked up a few times, only for her to (apparently) go crazy and not want to speak to him again. This all happened about two weeks before we met each other and he's been in a fairly dark place.

He jumped between saying 'I feel like this is a mistake, but I want to make it,' to saying maybe it's good for him and asking if I thought he'd make it back into my bed again. 

He's stopped by a few times since then to get some music from me and hang out and there have been some great online conversations. However, our hanging out has had zero physical interaction, aside from his hand on my hip for all of two seconds. 

I guess I'm just frustrated. Everyone else seems to find perfect things; why can't I? Everyone who gets to me is so damaged, they feel they're beyond repair. What am I supposed to do with that? Plus I don't want to throw myself into a situation where the other person is still attached to an idea. 

He took the bulk of the initiative in all of this. If you're not sure if you're ready for anything romantically, then don't ask a girl out for brunch; don't make an effort to go out and meet her friends; don't walk her home; and don't stay until one pm the next day.
I'm excellent at compartmentalizing my life. I've become cynical to the point that I can block out a lot of things from my heart. But stuff like this? This is how you get attached.

Pair that with the fact that my roommate is so coupled up with her boyfriend, I don't think I've seen her alone in well over a week, and, well....I'm just going to set up camp in my bed with Radiohead on repeat for the night. Don't mind me.