Tuesday, January 6, 2009

You Want to Put WHAT In my Mouth??

An Open Letter to All Dentists:

I appreciate all that you do - personally, I would not want to stare into the mouths of strangers all day (even if they did pay well). This is why I generally limit my contact with strange mouths to dimly lit hallways after much liquor consumption - after all, alcohol kills germs and everyone knows the dark kills ugliness. 

HOWEVER, if you are going to scrape apart my gums while trying to scrape goo off my teeth, do not yell at me for  bleeding, apparent evidence of not flossing enough. 

That's like a doctor yelling at you for breaking your ankle if you fall 20 feet: "Should have drank more milk...."

It's 2009. We've put a man on the moon and I can lurk strangers with my iPhone. There has got to be a better way to clean teeth.


In other news, I think my bangs are an absolute disaster. They looked amazingly cute upon leaving the hair salon. When left to my own devices, however,  my hair looks like a mix of a 14 year old emo boy and 1985. 

Looks like the next few months will be spent avoiding cameras and untagging pictures on facebook at record speed while awaiting the bangs to grow out....

On that note, it's raining and icing out. I'm going back to bed.

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